BOOK-LENGTH WORK & status report:

LOWBOY #22 - First in a new series of trucker P.I. mysteries. (mystery/crime/pulp fiction)
     Bull Schaffner: long-haul truck driver and amateur P.I.. He bathes frequently, he works out every day, he's picky about hookers, and he cheats on his log only when he has to. So why does everything always seem to go wrong?
     Is it time to allow Janey, his bad-ass sister, to help him out?
     McKay Trucking is missing a rig and a driver, and the company is hoping Bull can find them. Preferably the uninsured rig with the load intact—a combined worth of a quarter-million dollars. The driver, well, hunt for him on your own time.

     Status: MS typed to disk. 86,000 words, 399 typescript pages.
     sample: Chapter-24  Novel in paperback & Amazon-Kindle   Now in all eBook & mobi formats

HARRY & IVORY — A love story you have not heard before. (Prequel to "Lowboy #22")
     The classic Lincoln Continental hung at eye-level from the roof-rafters on chains, startlingly mute like the "Spirit of St. Louis" at the Smithsonian. It was a mint '79, and Harry's pride and joy. The last of the big hogs. Midnight blue. Tilt-wheel. AC. Power windows. Big 460 V-8.... As the late afternoon sun slid under the tobacco-barn roof through the open sides, the Lincoln's gleaming chrome glowed in burnished gold.
     He hadn't met her yet but Harry could see her in it. He could feel her gratitude. He could see her pulling up to him at the curb on palm-lined Biscayne Boulevard in Miami. He recognized her from his dreams. Even when he was a boy he believed.
      She sat so tall and elegant behind the wheel, and icy-cool, and ebony black. A ghetto princess shipped in from the jungles of darkest Africa by The Lord Himself, just for Harry.
      The driver-side window was whirring down and Harry leaned forward to receive her kiss. Her lips, flushed with pink, parted.
     "Do it have a title?"

      Status: On disk and ready to sacrifice to the "...indifference which comes from the snobs, arbiters, managers and conforming maniacs who manipulate most of  the world of letters." (Norman Mailer)

     "Harry & Ivory" is the prequel to "Lowboy #22" and features the inglorious characters twenty years earlier. Here, the dangerous and bad-ass brother and sister team of "Lowboy #22" provide an entertaining and risky look into their early teen years as they manage to disrupt the local, bible-belt school and survive life with abnormal, drug-loving parents, their father obsessed with an exotic black woman.
In paperback and Kindle  Available in all eBook & mobi formats 
 Large paperback, easy font   

CHILDREN OF THE LAMBS — Pulp fiction. A crime/action/suspense/black-humor novel with a backdrop of human clones, most of whom are female, willing, and dumber than dirt. In other words, a book barely ahead of its time.
     When the unattached, blond head—beautiful, female, long- haired—rolled off the cliff and skidded to a stop at his sandy feet, Jack spun around in a panic. Nobody in sight. OK! It had better be okay.... His 9MM Walther was out of reach, farther down the beach where he'd absent-mindedly left it with the beer cooler and the empties and the boat.
     She had skidded to a stop on her mouth, and the sand on her fresh lipstick was hard to brush off. But, hey! He was a beach-comber and this head was the ultimate find! Young, pretty, still warm -- and a hell of a better catch than a glass fishnet float. Even better than a tightly wrapped bale of Jamaican drift-bud. And whoever did her in had even thought to lift her blond mane out of the way before severing the neck at the shoulders!
     Jack was ecstatic. Wait till the guys back at Rasputin's Marina saw this! She had bright-blue eyes, too, even if the lids were too stiff to close, plus there were her un-plucked, sexy, thick eyebrows -- his favorite kind.

     Status: On disk and awaiting Fate. To paraphrase Elmore Leonard: I left out the parts readers would skip. sample Chapter-1
 Novel available in all eBook & mobi formats   Available on Amazon-Kindle

CRUCIFIED, LAID, & BURIED — An epic-length thriller.
     She lifted her chin while he turned the collar a little to get to the battery pack. Unclipping the small, 9-volt unit, he replaced it with a new one. "Energizer" brand because he liked the pink bunny commercials.
      The collar covering the electrodes was made of thick, brown nylon and not very pretty. It was made for training dogs.
     "Too tight?"
 The all-star cast:                
     A serial killer whose favorite prey is the rare, attractive female he can snatch from an abortion clinic picket line. Ladies whom he forces to copy by hand the most lurid texts from their own Bibles -- before he rapes them.
     A pimple-chested commando who believes the actresses in his X-rated video cassettes are real and worth saving at any cost, but couldn't care less whether his flesh-and-blood sex partners live or die.
     A beautiful redhead, the unflappable antithesis of the female-as-victim, who dresses like the devil and shoots straighter than Jesus.
     A sexy, bi-lateral amputee who walks on her hands and harbors wanted criminals in the enclave of her vast, dead husband's salvage yard.
     A likable, fundamentalist preacher's kid who believes God helps him get laid.
     A Jewish princess who killed her parents and believes she is the reincarnation of Elissa, Queen of ancient Carthage -- and does her exotic best to prove it.
     And last but not least: a brace of lovely, virgin, black twins who pepper this bizarre, human porridge with their screams.
     Status: The 1,100 page MS has finally been typed to disk. No fire insurance.
sample: Chapter-1

FLATBED - A graphic and poignant memoir of non-celebrity life on  the road.
     A front-seat ride through the concrete combat zones of America: our highways and loading docks. The tour ranges from the sultry heights of the Pompano Beach landfill in Florida to a HazMat war-zone in Little Rock; from an abandoned steel plant in Cleveland to the terror of an LSD flashback in the Appalachians; from the high of a pocket full of cash to the bleakness of maxed-out plastic on the Boston beltway: the author, kicked out of his tractor, shivering alongside the accumulated belongings of three months on-the-road stacked four feet high at the curb.
      "A truck driver who can write (after spitting out the gum), John Aalborg is always happy to share his working-class, non-PC thoughts along the way, revealing how he and other teamsters feel about God, about government, about losers, and about you. But read on. In Aalborg's world the ladies rule, and ignorance and bigotry hang twisting in the diesel fumes. FLATBED is your ticket to ride along."
     Status: A chapter was recently published in TRUCKER'S CONNECTION Magazine.Typing of the MS to disk to be resumed "directly".

"Only as a warrior can one survive the path of knowledge -- because the art of a warrior is to balance the terror of being a man with the wonder of being a man."  -- Carlos Castaneda

GULF COAST STORIES — "Journeys Away from The Beaches" Short stories even your elitist relatives will enjoy.
Morton's Fork Crossing
     30 pages. Bull Schaffner, Aalborg's signature trucker, finds himself in a community of backwater Florida misfits. While working to locate a stolen rig he falls in love with the missing driver's girlfriend only to discover that his choices for the future are typically limited.
Giorgio Possum
     1 page. An old man misses the young wife he treated badly.
Passion's Perch
     35 pages. Young love powered by imagination, a classic American car, and parental guidance fueled by alcohol.
Furby Mountain Florida
     12 pages. On the day after he receives seriously bad news, a truck driver is invited to ride along with a garbage hauler who wants to take the man's mind off his troubles and see life in a different way. A hungry little Furby does his sweet part.
     9 pages. Carlos looked at the blackened area, barely noticeable now and covered with wild ferns. Harry said, "She burned it down." Thus begins the quest by a 14-year-old illegal and his sister to solve the mystery surrounding the middle-aged American who is trying to befriend them.
Bible School Tattoo
     11 pages. A seasoned tattoo artist and his beautiful but atheist nurse/wife ink a Christian girl.
This collection is available on Amazon Kindle    Available in large paperback, nice font
Available in all eBook and mobi formats

666 WORDSMEDITATIONS  (presently unavailable, all formats)
To lift up the depressed and piss off the proud — a self-help booklet of 12 short chapters.
Available in all eBook & mobi formats
Available on Amazon Kindle 

ECCLESIASTES — (anonymous)
    9:7  Go thy way, eat thy bread with joy, and drink thy wine with a merry heart; for God now accepteth thy works.
    9:10  Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might; for there is no work, nor device, nor knowledge, nor wisdom, in the grave, whither thou goest.
    9:11  I returned, and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but time and chance happeneth to them all.

 Bleep-Free Press  

Copyright 2010 / 2012 John Aalborg
All rights reserved

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Humanism with attitude!

"Aalborg is a stealth Humanist. Within his page-turning travelogues of violence, mystery, and bizarre sex lurks a secret inoculation, a dooming of consensus reality. While his public, male and female, hungrily feeds on Aalborg's entertaining and off-beat tales, nescience and superstition sportingly whither in the transport."
  -- Ravi Penh-Mekong, as quoted in The Dalupiri Times